Most people don’t know what Crohn’s is or how it affects you. If they don’t know what is happening behind the scenes, they won’t know how to help. The problem is that Crohn’s often goes unseen so if you don’t advocate for yourself, no one else will. You are the only one who can truly advocate for yourself. It takes some humility to admit a need to others.
Most people, even your professors and superiors, are open to helping you and to trying to understand. Discussing the issues we face can make us feel shame, but if we don’t speak up others will not understand. Don’t let shame keep you from speaking up. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a very important situation (exam, on a date, in a meeting), if you need to use the bathroom or leave, speak up! Don’t let fear keep you from leading a happy and healthy life.
Persistence is everything. Communication is hard enough as is, but communicating a problem and pain that is unseen is even more difficult. The person can’t see it, so they have to believe you and believe what you’re saying. This sometimes requires radical persistence. Learning how to speak clearly about your disease and using the right terminology is important. People understand and believe persistence and urgency even if they don’t fully understand the problem. If you are fully advocating for yourself with confidence, others are much more likely to believe you.
Most people are quite willing to understand and help you. Now some people on very rare occasions will do nothing to understand or help you. On these exceptionally rare occasions, your life will be made easier if you can learn to forgive them for not understanding. Holding onto anger or frustration that someone else is slighting you will only increase your stress and therefore your pain.
Never be afraid to advocate. The problems that come from Crohn’s come at the most inopportune times. It is often that the most stressful times are accompanied by flare ups. Advocating for yourself will sometimes come at the worst times: during an exam, in a crucial meeting, on a first date, in a long car ride with new friends. Try to overcome this fear. Little by little, you’ll realize that people are willing to understand. Your pain and stress level will decrease as you become more comfortable with advocating for yourself.
